dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
