4 words: hood of his car
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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