I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
