Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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