I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
