Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
