Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
