you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
