Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
