she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
