Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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