It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
