I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
