He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
