youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
