'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
