I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
