I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
In America we eat man semen.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
