the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
