I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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