I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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