At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
