Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
