How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
