apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
