You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
