Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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