Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
