I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
