I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
