Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
