I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
