i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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