UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
