i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
