Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
