I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
