When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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