Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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