I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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