Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
