Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
