Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
