The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
