Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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