I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We smell like vodka and hangover
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