It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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