ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
