I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
