just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
