goodnight i made you a song goodbye
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You have to summon your inner elephant
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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