If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
