She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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