Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
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