I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sorry about my life...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
