he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
